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Prevod - Francuski-Engleski - Voici le temps partagé de nos ...

Trenutni statusPrevod
Ovaj tekst je raspoloziv na sledecim jezicima: FrancuskiEngleski

Kategorija Književnost - Umetnost / Stvaranje / Mastanje

Natpis
Voici le temps partagé de nos ...
Tekst
Podnet od charl
Izvorni jezik: Francuski

Voici le temps partagé de nos dernières richesses, à chaque naissance liberté une goutte d’eau assoiffée de rivière, à chaque naissance égalité une goutte de sueur épuisée de misère, à chaque naissance fraternité une goutte d’air souillée de déserts. Voici le temps exorcisé de nos raisons planétaires, le temps articulé d’une capitale terre.
Napomene o prevodu
difficulté inhérente à la prose poétique....

<edit> "éxorcisé" with "exorcisé"</edit> (03/25/francky)


Natpis
This is the shared..
Prevod
Engleski

Preveo itsatrap100
Željeni jezik: Engleski

This is the shared time of our last riches, at every birth freedom to a drop of water thirsting for a river, at every birth equality in beads of sweat extracted in misery, at every birth fraternity in a small mouthful of dirty desert air. This is the age freed from our planetary causes, the age articulated by a capital world.
Napomene o prevodu
"raisons", and "le temps" are diffiult to translate here because of multiple meanings for these words, in particular "le temps". Since raisons is in plural, it probably means <<causes>> or <<motives>>.
but could mean "good senses" as well. Text is a play on liberté, égalité, fraternité.
Poslednja provera i obrada od IanMegill2 - 30 Mart 2009 06:57





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Autor
Poruka

26 Mart 2009 17:37

itsatrap100
Broj poruka: 279
Need some assistance with "temps partagé", in fact I was about to edit it in English as "shared time" but I am not sure, maybe Francky or another native French speaker could help. The difference between time divided and shared time is almost opposite, so I don't want to get this wrong. After reviewing use of the term, I think it is in fact "shared time".

27 Mart 2009 00:39

Francky5591
Broj poruka: 12396
charl could tell you what he thinks about "temps partagé". Qu'en penses-tu charl? Moi aussi j'hésiterais entre ces deux significations (divided/shared) Peux-tu nous aider?
Merci!


27 Mart 2009 22:09

Francisco Cardoso
Broj poruka: 2
I've seen other translation for the same text and it seemed to me more accurate. The relation of prepositions is compromised.

27 Mart 2009 23:58

lilian canale
Broj poruka: 14972
Hi Ian, could you help me evaluate this text. It sounds a bit weird to me

CC: IanMegill2

28 Mart 2009 06:22

IanMegill2
Broj poruka: 1671
English does not accept "poetic prose" in the way French does, and English readers expect more clarity and less "beauty" than French readers do. (I suspect even the writer of this text may not really know what s/he means exactly: it is a "poetic" text with the interpretation left up to the reader in many places. There is no such thing, for example, as "une goutte d'air" in French!)
---
I suppose the best way to make this text at all "acceptable" to English readers is to put it in strophed format, i.e.:

Now is the shared time of our final riches,
With each birth
Liberty
A drop of water thirsting for a river,
With each birth
Equality
A drop of sweat, exhausted from suffering,
With each birth
Fraternity
A drop of air dirtied by deserts.
Now is the time
Exorcised from our planetary
Reasons,
A time which is now connected to a capital
Earth
---
This "poem shape" also has the benefit of visually highlighting the "Liberty, Equality, Fraternity" references...
---
That said, I'm going to go ahead and validate this translation as it stands now, because a "poetic" text could be translated in many ways...
I notice Itsatrap100's translation is slightly "interpretive." For example, he adds prepositions to the text, which introduce connections which are not (explicitly) in the original, and may not have been intended by its author.
On the other hand, English native speakers expect more logical coherence between different elements of each sentence, and so we have a tendency to "read in" such connections where perhaps none exist...

28 Mart 2009 09:30

itsatrap100
Broj poruka: 279
What a thoughtful response by Ian Megill, in fact my last edit was to change "time divided" to "shared time", as I couldn't find the expression temps partagé in 3 dictionaries but only on-line, but the evaluation lock came on just as I was about to modify the text.

28 Mart 2009 12:02

lilian canale
Broj poruka: 14972
Thanks Ian, I knew you would find a solution

29 Mart 2009 07:32

IanMegill2
Broj poruka: 1671
Hi itsatrap,

Would you like me to change that to "shared time" for you? It's still possible, if you'd like.

CC: itsatrap100

29 Mart 2009 20:07

itsatrap100
Broj poruka: 279
Yes Ian, "shared age" I believe is what I had used in the text. On 2nd thought "shared time" is better.

Merci

30 Mart 2009 07:00

IanMegill2
Broj poruka: 1671
Done.

As we say in Quebec, Bienvenue! (We use it to mean not only "welcome," but "you're welcome," too!)