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Překlad - Albánsky-Anglicky - Anes lumenjve

Momentální stavPřeklad
Text je dostupný v následujících jazycích: AlbánskyAnglicky

Kategorie Poezie

Požadavek tohoto překladu je "Pouze význam".
Titulek
Anes lumenjve
Text
Podrobit se od kfeto
Zdrojový jazyk: Albánsky

Anes lumenjve

Arratisur, syrgjynosur,
Raskapitur dhe katosur
Po vajtonj pa funt, pa shpresë,
Anës Elbës, anës Spree-së.


Ku e lam' e ku na mbeti
Vaj-vatani e mjer-mileti
Anës detit i palarë,
Anës dritës i paparë,
Pranë sofrës i pangrënë,
Pranë dijes i panxënë,
Lakuriq dhe i dregosur,
Trup e shpirt i sakatosur?

Titulek
by the rivers
Překlad
Anglicky

Přeložil eleonora13
Cílový jazyk: Anglicky

By the rivers

Fugitive, out in exile,
Exhausted, and threatened,
They mourn endlessly and hopeless
By the Elbes, by the Spreese

Where we left it, and where it stayed
Oh the homeland, and the poor nation
Beside the dirty ocean

Beside the light, unseen
Near the dinner table, uneaten
Close by the clue, that doesn't fit,
Naked and tortured,
Body and soul murdered?
Poznámky k překladu
Elbes and Spreese are names of rivers in Albania so i left it as it is.
Naposledy potvrzeno či editováno lilian canale - 31 květen 2008 13:09





Poslední příspěvek

Autor
Příspěvek

18 květen 2008 02:32

lilian canale
Počet příspěvků: 14972
Hi eleonora,

Since this seems to be a poem, I'd try to make it look like one in English too.
Perhaps we could change some structures and words to achieve that.

- What about instead of "without end" using "endlessly"
or instead of "without hope" using "hopeless".? I think this line would be quite shorter and similar to the original.
"They mourn endlessly and hopeless"

- beside the Elbes, beside the Spreese (I'd use "by" instead : By the Elbes, by the Spreese)

- "Where we left it"
What does "it" stand for? Wouldn't it be "him"? Isn't it talking about a person? I didn't understand that part.

- Does the original repeat "poor" in the 7th line?

- "unwashed ocean" ?

- Perhaps we can change "mutilated" into "murdered" so that it makes a better rhyme with "tortured".

What do you think?
Poetry is always difficult, but you did a great job. These are just a few suggestions in order to get a nice rhyme. It's up to you, now.


21 květen 2008 02:18

lilian canale
Počet příspěvků: 14972
Hi eleonora13,

Two days later, I'm still waiting...

25 květen 2008 22:53

eleonora13
Počet příspěvků: 19
I'm sorry but I'am having some difficulties with my internet connection lately.I really think that your suggestions are great.Would you like to do the editing?

25 květen 2008 23:32

lilian canale
Počet příspěvků: 14972
Hi eleonora, no problem.
You can edit it if you agree.

31 květen 2008 20:42

kfeto
Počet příspěvků: 953
ok thank you both girls