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Translation - Engels-Italiaans - For a platonic future...

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This text is available in the following languages: PoolsEngelsFransItaliaans

Category Poetry - Liefde / Vriendskap

Title
For a platonic future...
Text
Submitted by Aneta B.
Source language: Engels Translated by AleksanderS

For a platonic future...

With my dream
I touch your face
it beams with love
foretelling fidelity
in a platonic future

Your sheltering presence
ensures the joy of existence
ensures warm silence
all over the winter living beside


Title
Per un futuro platonico
Translation
Italiaans

Translated by GhiRic
Target language: Italiaans

Per un futuro platonico

Con il mio sogno
Tocco la tua faccia
Trasmette con amore
La fedeltà veggente
In un futuro platonico

La tua presenza rassicurante
Assicura la gioia dell'esistenza
Assicura un caldo silenzio
Nello stare vicini durante l'inverno.
Laaste geakkrediteerde redigering deur alexfatt - 26 February 2013 19:18





Last messages

Author
Message

2 Januarie 2013 23:15

alexfatt
Number of messages: 1538
Here too, Aneta, do you think the meaning matches the source text?


4 Januarie 2013 17:41

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hi GhiRic and Alex,
Thank you for the translation.
It looks very nice to me.

Could we just make the last line shorter?

"Nel inverno del tuo vivere/essere vicino"?

Anyway, I'm not good at Italian enough to suggest anything.

28 February 2013 23:28

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hi Alex,
You know, I'm still not sure of the last line. I know you've already accepted the translation, however the word "vicini" sounds bad to me, because I associate it with emotional "closeness" meanwhile the Polish line means something quite opposite.

"w zimÄ™ naszego trwania OBOK"

It was translated into English
"all over the winter living beside"

"Living beside" or better "our living beside" in this case means that we stay apart, that we stay/live nearby but yet far away (emotionally), because we can't be together anymore. That is why I called this period a "winter" and it doesn't refer to a real season of a year, but it is just a metaphor, a kind of our "life winter" when there is no us anymore.

Hope you see what I mean.



28 February 2013 23:41

GhiRic
Number of messages: 5
Yes, I understand what you mean.
what about "nello stare vicini durante il FREDDO"?
freddo, cold, might mean that the feelings the two people have reciprocally are not warm anymore, as you mean.
Another possibility could be "il gelo" which I think has a "higher stylistic level".
Let me know what you think!

28 February 2013 23:45

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
But is the word "vicini" appropriate?

1 March 2013 00:04

GhiRic
Number of messages: 5
mmm, probably if we leave "vicini" it gives a sense of closeness, as you say.
what about "nel nostro vivere nel gelo"?
I hope it is better to you!

1 March 2013 00:14

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Is "vivere accanto" possible?

1 March 2013 00:21

GhiRic
Number of messages: 5
yes, why not.. vivere accanto is another possibility..

1 March 2013 16:37

alexfatt
Number of messages: 1538
Sorry for having accepted this translation in a hurry! Have you two come to an agreement?

2 March 2013 01:03

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
No problem, Alex

I appreciate all suggestions of the translator. Thanks for them, GhiRic!

I guess English version of the line may bring some misunderstanding. Maybe it lacks some words and it should be read as follows: "all over the winter OF OUR living beside*".

* "living beside" yet means here being emotionally apart. It's about living beside each other but not with each other.

so:
nel inverno + Genetive
nel inverno del nostro vivere accanto?

Alex, maybe I can explain it to you in Latin?
"In hieme nostri vivendi iuxta"


2 March 2013 13:03

Aneta B.
Number of messages: 4487
Hi guys,

I've just come up with an idea that maybe an adjective "invernale"/"freddo" (?) would work here. In the English epression "winter living beside" a word "winter" was just used as an adjective that discribes a noun "living".
What do you think?