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Translation - Albanian-English - Anes lumenjve

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Category Poetry

Šis tulkojums pieprasa tikai nozīmi.
Title
Anes lumenjve
Text
Submitted by kfeto
Source language: Albanian

Anes lumenjve

Arratisur, syrgjynosur,
Raskapitur dhe katosur
Po vajtonj pa funt, pa shpresë,
Anës Elbës, anës Spree-së.


Ku e lam' e ku na mbeti
Vaj-vatani e mjer-mileti
Anës detit i palarë,
Anës dritës i paparë,
Pranë sofrës i pangrënë,
Pranë dijes i panxënë,
Lakuriq dhe i dregosur,
Trup e shpirt i sakatosur?

Title
by the rivers
Translation
English

Translated by eleonora13
Target language: English

By the rivers

Fugitive, out in exile,
Exhausted, and threatened,
They mourn endlessly and hopeless
By the Elbes, by the Spreese

Where we left it, and where it stayed
Oh the homeland, and the poor nation
Beside the dirty ocean

Beside the light, unseen
Near the dinner table, uneaten
Close by the clue, that doesn't fit,
Naked and tortured,
Body and soul murdered?
Remarks about the translation
Elbes and Spreese are names of rivers in Albania so i left it as it is.
Validated by lilian canale - 31 May 2008 13:09





Last messages

Author
Message

18 May 2008 02:32

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi eleonora,

Since this seems to be a poem, I'd try to make it look like one in English too.
Perhaps we could change some structures and words to achieve that.

- What about instead of "without end" using "endlessly"
or instead of "without hope" using "hopeless".? I think this line would be quite shorter and similar to the original.
"They mourn endlessly and hopeless"

- beside the Elbes, beside the Spreese (I'd use "by" instead : By the Elbes, by the Spreese)

- "Where we left it"
What does "it" stand for? Wouldn't it be "him"? Isn't it talking about a person? I didn't understand that part.

- Does the original repeat "poor" in the 7th line?

- "unwashed ocean" ?

- Perhaps we can change "mutilated" into "murdered" so that it makes a better rhyme with "tortured".

What do you think?
Poetry is always difficult, but you did a great job. These are just a few suggestions in order to get a nice rhyme. It's up to you, now.


21 May 2008 02:18

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi eleonora13,

Two days later, I'm still waiting...

25 May 2008 22:53

eleonora13
Number of messages: 19
I'm sorry but I'am having some difficulties with my internet connection lately.I really think that your suggestions are great.Would you like to do the editing?

25 May 2008 23:32

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
Hi eleonora, no problem.
You can edit it if you agree.

31 May 2008 20:42

kfeto
Number of messages: 953
ok thank you both girls