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333Translation - English-Finnish - The most beautiful dream I've ever had ...

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Category Poetry

Title
The most beautiful dream I've ever had ...
Text
Submitted by emre87
Source language: English Translated by kafetzou

The most beautiful dream I have ever had is the one with you in it, the deepest love I have ever felt is your creation! The most beautiful world I have ever seen is your eyes, and the most beautiful vision I have ever had is you!

Title
Kaikkein kaunein unelma minulla on..
Translation
Finnish

Translated by itsatrap100
Target language: Finnish

Kaikkein kaunein koskaan näkemäni uni on se, missä sinä olet mukana, syvin koskaan tuntemani rakkaus on sinun luomasi! Kaikkein kaunein koskaan näkemäni maailma on sinun silmäsi, ja sinä olet kaikkein kaunein koskaan näkemäni näky!
Validated by Maribel - 19 January 2009 13:23





Last messages

Author
Message

22 December 2008 14:11

Maribel
Number of messages: 871
Tämä on paljon parempi.

Nopeasti luettuna seuraavat kohdat erityisesti häiritsivät
-unelma > uni
-luomastasi > luomaasi (verbistä), luomuksesi (substantiivista), ehkä vielä lisäisin "sinun"
-ilmestys > näky

Lisäksi miettisin joka/mikä -sanojen käyttöä sekä se-sanan tarvetta eka rivin 9. ja 10. sanan väliin.

26 December 2008 14:40

Donna22
Number of messages: 75
....uni, joka minulla on koskaan ollut, on se missä sinä olet mukana.

30 December 2008 14:56

Maribel
Number of messages: 871
Mahtaisiko tästä tulla parempi, jos käyttäisi olla-verbin sijasta nähdä-verbiä? Suomeksihan nähdään unia ja näkyjä... Hmm, johtaa toistoon, mutta kumpi onpi parempi?

Yritän kuitenkin korjata pronomineja ensin, katsotaan, miltä se sitten näyttää.

7 January 2009 15:08

mikalaari
Number of messages: 28
The Finnish translation follows quite closely the English one. I don't know Turkish but it seems that the text here uses more compact expressions (i.e. fewer words) than English, and similar grammatical structures could be used also in Finnish maybe. For example, I believe that 'en guzel' means 'that I have seen' which could be written 'näkemäni' in Finnish instead of 'jonka olen nähnyt'.

10 January 2009 16:07

itsatrap100
Number of messages: 279
Changed to newspaper style embedded clauses.

19 January 2009 13:19

Maribel
Number of messages: 871
Now I think we have reached a good text. People are often afraid of changing phrase structure when translating. Using compact style if more "finnish" than several short relative clauses.

I changed "luomuksesi" to "luomasi" (with one "a" because luomus has also a connotation of being pretended or fake. Using verb based expression I feel it means that you really have created the feeling. Also added "sinun" with silmäsi because it emphasizes "you" and in my opinion suits well here. (Quite the contrary that I normally do in Cucumis when I take pronouns away because suffix already tell the same story. In a normal phrase extra pronoun is too much, but different here.) Also punctuation changed to fit this new structure.