mi sentis sekuron, la sono de la viro sur la rook Altiris nian atenton, li skuis sian manon, li saltis, kaj post sekundo surÅprucigis nin malvarma akvo, la rida sono estis ripetata multfoje en mia orelo, tiu virino ridete diris: Iru al la avo, ni devas savi lin;
I felt safe, the sound of the man on the rock caught our attention, he shook his hand, he jumped, and a second later, we were sprinkled with cold water, the laughing sound repeated many times in my ear, that woman said smiling: Go to Grandfather, we must save him;
Remarks about the translation
"Shake" as in "tremble", not as in "greeting" "second" as in "time unit", not as in "number two"
Such kind of yuxtaposition is also unnatural in Esperanto. The most likely explanation this message was translated from other non-European language.
Therefore, commas were respected, except in "a second later, cold water", where I added one for clarity.
"Avo" could either mean "grandfather" or "grandmother", but it's usually used for the former.
If the English translation was the "aim",
it is good, only in two places there is need for changes, I think.
The parts between '=':
"...and a second later, =we were submerged in cold water=, the laughing sound repeated many times in my ear,..."
surÅprucigis nin malvarma akvo -
better is: sprinkled us cold water
And the second thing is:
"...that woman said smiling: =Go with Grandfather=, we must save him;..."
In the Esperanto text the meaning is more for:
"Go TO Grandfather...", not 'WITH'.