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Translation - Turkish-English - çocukken korkardım karanlıktan sokaklarda ...

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กลุ่ม Poetry - Society / People / Politics

Title
çocukken korkardım karanlıktan sokaklarda ...
Text
Submitted by ncbhkk
Source language: Turkish

çocukken korkardım karanlıktan sokaklarda
gençken korktum hep insanlardan karanlıkta
şimdi korkuyorum yalnızlıktan
her karanlık bastığında

Title
darkness
Translation
English

Translated by kfeto
Target language: English

As a child I was afraid on the streets after dark.
When I was young I feared people after dark.
Now I'm afraid of loneliness,
everytime night falls.


Remarks about the translation
karanlik can mean darkness in general but here it refers to nighfall especially in the last line
i tried to keep the structure of the poem intact as much possible
Validated by dramati - 5 April 2008 19:11





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3 April 2008 21:05

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
Hi kfeto
"As a child I was afraid after dark on the streets."

Do you mean "I was afraid of the streets after dark" or "I was afraid of being/staying on the street after dark"?

3 April 2008 21:29

kfeto
จำนวนข้อความ: 953
hello lilian
literally it says 'i was afraid of the dark[ness] on the streets' so not your first suggestion but more the second.

first line he fears the dark[ness] itself

3 April 2008 21:54

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
So..."I was afraid of the darkness on the streets" would be correct.
Why don't you edit that way? It sounds fine.

3 April 2008 22:02

kfeto
จำนวนข้อความ: 953
because like i wrote in the remarks here it refers more specifically to the darkness which comes after nightfall.
the poem's three lines are connected in the sense that they build up to the climax in the third.

the connection is always the nightfall, thats why i deviated from darkness in the the first line, luckily in english using 'after dark' allows one to retain the word dark, and thus the structure while making clear it's after nightfall

3 April 2008 22:30

lilian canale
จำนวนข้อความ: 14972
The problem here kfeto is that the structure is wrong. We are afraid of something (the street, de darkness). I understand that this is a poem and we should try to keep its form, but the sentence in English needs another construction.
You have to respect a sequence of adverbs and "after dark" should come at the end.
you can say:

"As a child I was afraid of the darkness on/of the streets"
or
"As a child I was frightened of the dark streets"
or
"As a child I was afraid of the streets after dark"
Or the other suggestions I gave, but the way the sentence is now, sorry, but it's not correct.

So, what are you going to do?

3 April 2008 22:35

kfeto
จำนวนข้อความ: 953
I'm really making you earn those points arent I, lilian?
what about:
"As a child I was afraid on the streets after dark"
is that ok?

4 April 2008 12:46

dramati
จำนวนข้อความ: 972
Looks much better to me Kfeto. Do it please

4 April 2008 12:55

kfeto
จำนวนข้อความ: 953
done

4 April 2008 16:11

cesur_civciv
จำนวนข้อความ: 268
"Korkardım", "I used to be afraid" olması lazım. Ve bence kalanlık kelimesinin üçü de "dark" ya da "darkness" olarak çevirilse daha güzel olacak.