Idź w góry Stań na ich szczycie Wyobraź sobie, że jesteś jedną z nich Twój oddech zwolni Usłyszysz w sobie ciszę Jakiej wcześniej nie znałeś
Go to the mountains Stand on their peaks Imagine you are one of them Hold up your breath Wait for a moment And in your soul You’ll hear the silence Unknown before
Literally: "w sobie"= "in you", but I like your proposition more.
Well, I must say that your English version is much better than my Polish one, hehe! But you really feel the poem! Maybe you should start writing poetry!