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Traduko - Hebrea-Angla - מותק אני עומד מתחת חלונך

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Tiu teksto haveblas en la sekvaj lingvoj: HebreaAngla

Titolo
מותק אני עומד מתחת חלונך
Teksto
Submetigx per chicita
Font-lingvo: Hebrea

מותק אני עומד מתחת חלונך
מותק אבל מרגיש כל כך רחוק ממך
מותק תראי מה שקורה לי בגללך
מתי סוף סוף תהיי שלי

Titolo
Baby I am standing beneath your window
Traduko
Angla

Tradukita per libera
Cel-lingvo: Angla

Baby, I am standing beneath your window
Baby, but feeling so far away from you
Baby, look what's happening to me because of you
When will you at long last be mine?
Rimarkoj pri la traduko
the translation is in keeping with the words and their meaning, and I didn't attempt to make it rhyme like the original. Let me know if you require that.
Laste validigita aŭ redaktita de lilian canale - 19 Julio 2008 18:58





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15 Julio 2008 15:55

lilian canale
Nombro da afiŝoj: 14972
Hi libera,

Poetry is always tough.

I would suggest to shorten this line:
"look what's happening to me because of you " to:
"look what you cause me"
and I'd use "finally" instead of "at long last".

What do you think?

15 Julio 2008 21:57

libera
Nombro da afiŝoj: 257
I wasn't trying for poetry. if my memory serves me correctly, this was for 'meaning only' - and I've asked the requester whether she would like it to be poetic. if she does, I'll have a load of fun making it rhyme and have a meter. as it is, I don't really mind one way or another. at this stage, I just kept it as close to the original as possible, as is my policy to do unless requested otherwise.

15 Julio 2008 22:14

lilian canale
Nombro da afiŝoj: 14972
Well, firstly this request is not "meaning only".
Secondly, I was not demanding any poetic measure or rhyme from you. If the requestor wanted any of those s/he would have requested "high quality".
What I tried to do by suggesting those changes was making the piece more natural in English.
I don't think my suggestions changed the original meaning in any way. Am I wrong?

Besides, I didn't say the structure you proposed was wrong.

15 Julio 2008 22:22

libera
Nombro da afiŝoj: 257
your suggestions most certainly didn't change the original meaning. although "look what you cause me" is debatable in my view, the translation I gave for that line is definitely not what I'd call good English. as I mentioned in my previous message, I don't mind one way or the other. I had actually been divided between "finally" and "at long last", and at the end ruled in favor of the latter because it did kind of sound more 'poetic' to me.

15 Julio 2008 22:30

lilian canale
Nombro da afiŝoj: 14972
OK, let's set a poll and check its accuracy.