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Translation - French-English - Herbe douce

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Category Poetry - Education

Title
Herbe douce
Text
Submitted by La fourmi autodidacte
Source language: French

Herbe douce.
À son huitième jour Bergeronnette la bien nommée.
À sa huitième année Bergeronnette la bien aimée,
Sur un tronc sa tête éclatée .
Après huit années Bergeronnette,
Ton bourreau prisonnier, sa tête purifiée.
Paroles avouées, liberté affirmée .
Dans ton bec Bergeronnette une herbe douce, envolée
Remarks about the translation
RWANDA :
-Gacaca est le nom rwandais pour tribunal communautaire villageois. Gacaca signifie « herbe douce » en kinyarwanda, c’est-à-dire l'endroit où l'on se réunit.
-La bergeronnette (totem des Bagesera) bénéficie d'une interdiction protectrice. Celui qui la tue, membre ou non du clan correspondant, doit accomplir un certain rite de purification.

Title
Sweet Grass
Translation
English

Translated by babachiko
Target language: English

Sweet grass.

On the eighth day Wagtail, the well named.
On the eighth year Wagtail, the beloved one,
On a trunk its head burst.
After eight years, Wagtail,
Your henchman gaoled, his head purified.
Words admitted, freedom affirmed.
In your beak, Wagtail, a sweet grass, flying away
Last validated or edited by lilian canale - 18 August 2009 10:42





Latest messages

Author
Message

17 August 2009 10:52

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Hi babachiko, at line 2 "bien aimée" in English is not "well named", it rather would be "beloved", (I don't know whether one could say "the well loved", maybe; the expert in English will confirm.

Best regards,

CC: lilian canale

17 August 2009 11:08

babachiko
Number of messages: 11
You are right. I read the original text too quickly as "la bien nommée." For "bien aimée" I'd suggest "beloved".

17 August 2009 12:34

lilian canale
Number of messages: 14972
But the first line says:
"la bien nommée"

17 August 2009 12:37

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Hehe! you did the same error this time, as 1st line reads "la bien nommée" ("the well named"
Only line 2 was to be edited!

Don't worry, I'll do it for you!

Have a nice day!

17 August 2009 12:37

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Sorry Lilian, I didn't see your post before sending mine!


17 August 2009 14:10

babachiko
Number of messages: 11
My this is tricky. I should avoid poetry...

17 August 2009 15:25

gamine
Number of messages: 4611
On a truck its burst head.

17 August 2009 15:38

babachiko
Number of messages: 11
trunk (or stock)?, but not camion.

17 August 2009 17:49

Francky5591
Number of messages: 12396
Lene probably did a typo and typed "truck" instead of "trunk", but what she was meaning is that it has to be "burst head" and not "head burst"

17 August 2009 20:21

Chiv
Number of messages: 1
Le sens de cette traduction ne me semble pas assez fort + quelques erreurs :
Je remplacerais plutôt Sweet grass par soft grass.
On the eighth... par At its eighth day...
At its eighth YEAR (et non "day" sur la seconde ligne).
"On a trunk its burst head" me semble plus correct mais j'avoue avoir un doute sur "burst". Je vois plutôt "éclatée" dans le sens de broyée (par quelqu'un), donc éventuellement "crushed" me semble plus approprié.
"Henchman" n'est pas assez fort ici, je vois le bourreau dans le sens "tueur".
"Words acknowledged" n'est peut-être pas assez fort non plus, je verrais plus "confessed words".
Et à nouveau "soft grass" sur la dernière ligne.

17 August 2009 23:30

gamine
Number of messages: 4611
Franck is right. It was a typo. Of course not "truck" but "trunk".

18 August 2009 07:16

IanMegill2
Number of messages: 1671
Second line:
...eighth year...

Second to last line:
Words admitted,...

Apart from that, good job with a difficult text!