Not the torturer will scare me Nor the body's final fall Nor the barrels of death's rifles Nor the shadows on the wall Nor the night when to the ground The last dim star of pain is hurled But the blind indifference Of a merciless unfeeling world
And each small candle Lights a corner of the dark...
翻訳についてのコメント
From a song by Roger Waters Source: http://www.roger-waters.com/candle.html
Please keep sense and meaning, translations have not necessarily got to be as poetical (but if you have nice lyrical ideas, don't hesitate to use them).^^
Ei kiduttaja minua pelota Ei kehon viimeinen värähdys Ei kuolemankiväärien piiput Ei varjot seinällä Ei maan päälle langennut yö Kun sammuu viimeinen himmeä tuskan tähti Vaan sokea välinpitämättömyys Turtuneen, armottoman maailman
Yes, this should be discussed as it is a difficult one to interpret.
I like the second line. First some thoughts for you to consider. Maybe I would go as far as to use "kiduttaja" and "kiväärit".
"Mutta sokea tarkoituksettomuus
Turtuneen armottoman maailman"
This certainly one way to put it although I personally would very much like to use "välinpitämättömyys" instead of tarkoituksettomuus and "tunteeton" instead of turtunut. Question of style I think.
Then two spots where there is a real problem:
"Ei maan päälle langennut yö
Viimeinen vaipunut tuskan sydän on syöksynyt"
Could you think of changing this a bit? Maybe with "tuskan tähti sammunut"...
"musta aukko" ? How do you feel about this, any other suggestions?
Please write something when voting, I feel we should cooperate here, thank you.
Sorry this has taken so long, but it was very difficult to decide should I edit only a word or two or more... You'll get good ranking points for the language. The editing is mainly opinion-based but I feel that the writer wants to express his point very strongly and I chose to edit a bit more.
お気に入りの翻訳
翻訳 - 英語 -フィンランド語 - Each small candle
この翻訳依頼は意味だけで結構です。
