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Traduko - Germana-Angla - Wundenhaupt

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Tiu teksto haveblas en la sekvaj lingvoj: GermanaAngla

Kategorio Kanto

Titolo
Wundenhaupt
Teksto
Submetigx per Freya
Font-lingvo: Germana

Auf dunklen Bänken sitzen sie gedrängt
Und heben die erlosch`nen Blicke auf
Zum Kreuz. Die Lichter schimmern wie verhängt,
Und trüb und wie verhängt das Wundenhaupt.
Rimarkoj pri la traduko
I would like to have translated only this first part of the song 'Die tote Kirche', by L'Âme Immortelle.
Thank you. :)

Titolo
On dark benches they sit closelyAnd ...
Traduko
Angla

Tradukita per Zwenni
Cel-lingvo: Angla

On dark benches they sit closely
And rise the extinct gazes up
To the cross. The lights shimmer as if covered,
And hazy and as if covered, the wounded head.
Laste validigita aŭ redaktita de Lein - 9 Septembro 2010 14:21





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Afiŝo

7 Septembro 2010 11:59

Lein
Nombro da afiŝoj: 3389
Hi Zwenni,

This looks good. I've set a poll to get some imput from others.

Just a style-related remark:

I think 'as if' would sound better here than 'like', in both cases, but especially in the last sentence. Do you agree? Let me konw what you think!
Thanks

7 Septembro 2010 12:53

Zwenni
Nombro da afiŝoj: 4
Hi Lein,

you are right. I totally agree on your remark and would change "like" to "as if" in both cases

Regards
Zwenni

7 Septembro 2010 14:52

Lein
Nombro da afiŝoj: 3389
This is a remark from Lilian; see if you agree:

My doubt is if "woundhead" is a noun in English. Shouldn't it be "the wounded head"?

If so, then I think a comma is needed.

"...and (also? ) hazy and as if covered, the wounded head."

7 Septembro 2010 15:53

Zwenni
Nombro da afiŝoj: 4
Again, I have to agree

I would use:

"and hazy and as if covered, the wounded head."

7 Septembro 2010 15:56

Lein
Nombro da afiŝoj: 3389
Done!
Thank you!