"AeternÄlÄtÄ•r"
You shouldn't type the small signs under latin letters, because they are not diacritics, but only kind of "dictionary notes". They indificate which letter is long and which short. Romans didn't use them at all. These are modern signs for today people to teach them Latin pronounciation.
I don't think it is necessary to reject it, dear Frankcy. The second sentence, in my opinion, is very good. The first one I'd improve a bit.
1) I can't see "tibi" equivalent in the source text, so would delate it.
2) I'm not sure of the best option for "to carry the eternal gratitude". Probably "gratiam aeternam habere". Literally "to carry" is "ferre" in Latin, but I'm wondering if it is a good choice here....
These are my suggestions.
Hi Efee!
This is you who started this evaluation (asking the bridge). I'll let you finish it, ok?