Hi Alex!
I have a question. Shouldn't be "tua aurora"? According to Lilian's bridge it is to be "your dawn"...
Moreover, I think we should put "oritur" in the future tense as well. I know, the English conditional clause requires the present tense here, but not the same is supposed to be in Latin.
1) I made this translation before Lilian's bridge. Brazilian Portuguese uses "a sua" when referring both to the 2nd singular person (in English "your" ) and to the 3rd singular person (in English "his/her" ). But I suppose a native speaker would have used "dele" (lit. "of him" ) if he meant to refer to the 3rd singular person.
So, there's no doubt you're right
2) Yes, "consecutio temporum" is very rigorous in Latin and here we need not "oritur" but "orietur".
I must thank you an other time, my dearest professor